how to be agood listener

he solution to the age-old problem of understanding women may be as simple as taking the time to improve your own listening skills. Think about it; how many times have you said to yourself, "My wife (or girlfriend) doesn't understand me"? I bet it happens quite often. But don't worry, with a little practice these moments of misunderstanding and miscommunication will come to an end.

identify the problem: you

"She is not the problem, I am." The sooner you learn to say these words, the sooner you'll be on the road to flawless communication. I have repeatedly listened to couples talking or arguing, and it's clear that neither partner understands what the other is saying. She says "ABC" while you hear "XYZ." So you respond to "XYZ" by saying "QRS."

At this point your significant other is confused because your response has little or nothing to do with what she just said, and she has become upset because she's not getting her point across. So she'll try again, but with more anger in her voice. In turn, you'll start getting angry and the vicious cycle of miscommunication begins.

How can you ensure that this problem doesn't become habitual? The fact is that it's up to you to be a better listener. Being a good listener won't just make a huge difference in your relationship and sex life, but in every single aspect of your life that involves social interaction. In order to become a better listener, especially with women, we need to relearn some of our old beliefs.

Not realizing that listening is important
No one ever told us men that listening to women is an important part of "being a man," so we tend to discount it.

Understanding is not the same as agreeing
You don't have to agree with your partner, just listen and try to understand. People are usually more receptive to working things out and comprising when they feel understood.

Not understanding the emotions expressed
Women are emotional creatures (in general); therefore, it's extremely important for men to recognize the different sets of emotions that women speak with. For women, the feeling is usually more important than the content of a conversation (but they would never admit to that).

Criticism
If you need to be judgmental, be diplomatic about it. There is such a thing as positive, constructive criticism.

Don't try to fix things all the time
Men are under the misconception that they need to provide all the answers in a relationship. Not so. Make sure your partner is involved in many decision-making opportunities, as she will feel more needed, involved and special.

rules of effective listening

• Remember that your one and only job while listening is to understand her experience, feelings, attitude or point of view.
• Always give her your undivided attention. Make sure that you're not watching the football game while she's trying to discuss your next vacation together.
• Help her along by asking questions to encourage her to open up and to clarify things for your.
• Try not to be sarcastic; when you do this, it insults the intelligence of your partner.
• Try to understand the feeling behind what she's saying, as well as the content.
• Show her that you truly understand her point of view, and, whether or not you agree with it, talk to her in a calm and composed manner. Remember, as soon as your tone of voice goes up, so will hers (and vice versa). If she is yelling, then bring your voice down and she will eventually do the same.

And what should you do when she's so mad that she wants to strangle you?